Weedscape | The Free Path

2025.02.24

Returning to Dali at midnight, after You copied the videos from my camera, she thought I would stay overnight at her place, but I wanted to go home. We walked together to the door, and You took out her electric bike key, ready to ride and take me to where my car was parked. I said no need. Seeing her insist, I prepared to sprint ahead first.

Dali at midnight, wonderful. Isn't every unmanned midnight wonderful? I carried heavy luggage on my back, my steps were so light, I wanted to sing. You behind me said in a volume just enough for me to hear: "The electric bike is out of battery, send me a message when you get home." I: "Okay, you go back quickly."

In the past, returning to Dali always gave me a feeling of finally returning to reality after escaping it. But this time, that feeling was gone, and I don't know why.

On the drive home, I called Chen and described my feelings to him. He said: "That's great, it means you are more free, no longer limited by geography, free everywhere you go."

At this time, Chen was staying in Hangzhou, carrying out his "Return to Dali, Long Journey." On the phone, he said he had just finished eating malatang and returned to the guesthouse.

The wind was strong tonight. Walking home from the parking spot, I was a bit worried something might blow over and hit me, so I quickened my steps up the stairs.

2025.02.28

These past few days, I haven't done anything serious. Except yesterday I went up the mountain to look at a new route, preparing to update the information for the pinecone picking activity. It's the annual key fire prevention period, and the wild path to Jizhao Nunnery for vegetarian meals can no longer be taken. Writing this, a familiar tune drifted into my ears, the fire prevention tune that used to drift into my ears every day when I lived at the foot of Yunfeng Village. It seems to be played by erhu, I don't know much. Because at that time, I always sat in the yard kneading clay, and hearing this tune, I could recall the feeling of kneading clay.

These days, I haven't studied much either. So this morning I studied hard for a while, although thinking back, I don't seem to have many specific words in my head, but I did actually spend real time on it.

At noon, Xiaoyang messaged me asking if I wanted to go to her place for lunch tomorrow. At that moment, I was extremely hungry and didn't want to go out to buy groceries, so I called her and asked: "Can I come to your place for lunch now? I'm starving." Since she had already eaten lunch, I could only soak some bad-tasting shiitake mushroom instant noodles. After a while, she brought over leftover cold-served Tianjin preserved vegetable. It was very tasty. After finishing the noodles, because I couldn't bear to waste the remaining vegetable, I boiled some alkali noodles and continued eating with the preserved vegetable.

I said I don't want to cook recently, nor go out, but I get hungry. Xiaoyang suggested I could give her some food money and eat at her place. I said no. Because then I would have to go to her house every day for meals, and if one day I didn't want to go eat, I'd have to report it specially, which is also a kind of unfreedom. Xiaoyang rolled her eyes at me, speechless.

Xiaoyang talked about the writing she recently submitted to Jason. She was enjoying it and being serious. When trying something new like this, it should be quite happy, right? Then she praised the pieces written by Sister Feibi and me, but I didn't praise her back because of that, haha.

Xiaoyang: "I also sent your article to my mom, and my mom said, 'What Xiaojing writes doesn't seem to have much views. People nowadays probably prefer content that has more substance.'"

But today, I was still thinking: can future diaries have a bit less artistic atmosphere and become more concise? Like a girl who cuts off her long hair, suddenly becoming as simple as a little boy.

After Xiaoyang left, Sister Feibi brought me fruit she brought back from Nujiang. Because her mom and sister were waiting downstairs, she put down the fruit and immediately went downstairs. Sister Feibi often gives me gifts, but my return gifts are quite perfunctory. Once when I handed her incense threads, she said: "Eh, last time you also gave me these."

After Sister Feibi left, I decided to go buy groceries and cook, and also fetch water on the way.

When buying groceries, I parked the car farther away. Because I remembered last time, to be lazy, I parked outside a certain snack shop. Because of the market day, other shops had cars parked outside, so I didn't think much. Unexpectedly, as soon as I closed the car door, a woman inside the shop ran out and cursed at me loudly. Such exaggerated cursing shocked me, but I had no desire to retort or explain. I silently moved the car to a place 1000 meters away. Because it was market day, there was no parking spot within 1000 meters. Everything has its cause and effect. During the bustling market day, other restaurants had people coming and going, but that certain snack shop had not a single person.

These past two days, I've been thinking in my head: what exactly is this freedom I suddenly gained recently?

Could it be: although my feet are planted here, I am already a person detached. The threads that once wrapped around me can no longer bind anything?

Another part of the freedom, I guess, is a gift from You. She passed a bit of the wood element to me, giving me a little ability to sheathe my sharpness. This wood element is also present in Jason, but because at certain moments, our self-awareness is too strong. When two selves clash, everyone wants to protect their own part. This actually blocks my true learning.

I used to think I was already free enough because I was sharp enough. I thought sharpness was part of freedom. But now I realize that being able to sheathe one's sharpness is the path to even greater freedom.

If I have more desire for life experiences, sheathing my sharpness is something I need to learn.

However, for those people I don't want to be associated with, even after sheathing my sharpness, I can still choose not to associate with them, right! Thinking about this, I searched my mind, and it's probably just because I find it annoying, not because I hold hatred.

Boring things I made these days:

And I plan to weave a hemp rope belt tomorrow.

The goat head given by Yanzi was finally hung on the wall. Behind it, tied together, are moss and tree bark we picked together at Xipo. I hope the goat head sleeps peacefully on it.

Photos